Let me start off by saying this: I married the woman of my dreams. She is a loving wife, a caring friend and a smoking hot mother of two. Please don’t take this as brown-nosing. I firmly, with my whole heart, know that I married the woman who was destined for me. Each and every morning I wake up thankful to have her at my side. Most days she keeps me straight. Not only does she remind me to wash my hands sometimes as I leave the restroom (it’s true); but, she also keeps our family’s schedule on track with a trusty calendar on her phone. If it’s not in the calendar, it isn’t real. I’m kidding… a little.
Our marriage is wonderful. Most days we are loving, hugging, stealing kisses, play fighting just because, and saying ‘I love you’ each time we hang up the phone or leave the house. Yeah, I know it may sound a little mushy gushy, but it’s the truth. We love each other. All the time. It’s just sometimes, like one percent of the time, we have squabbles. Not arguments. No, no, no. Squabbles.
A squabble is defined as a petty quarrel. In layman’s terms, my wife and I sometimes have little verbal arguments over things that have little or no importance or consequence to our lives. I’m sure that my wife and I are the only married couple who sometimes has these teeny, tiny squabbles (insert sarcastic face); however, there may be one couple out there in need of some assurance.
To that one couple, pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you.
SCENE: A Kitchen. Mother and father cooking supper. Two toddlers whining about supper not being finished. The father steps away for a moment to check on the kids. The mother remains in the kitchen.
So my wife and I are cooking in the kitchen. We love to cook together when we can. Before the kids came along, we did this all the time. Neither of us are Chef Gordon Ramsey, but we can cook food if you know what I’m saying. I finish trimming the asparagus, turn on the eye of the stove and walked to check on the kiddos at the table. They were fussing over something. Most likely debating whether to watch Zootopia or Monsters Inc, both of which I have seen at least twenty times. After checking on them, I returned to the kitchen. It is here that the squabble began.
Lisa, that loving wife and caring mother I mentioned above, has placed the asparagus in the pan and began cooking them. I leaned over and told her that I usually wait until the pan is piping hot to begin cooking the asparagus. In my experience, none of which is professional, I’ve found that placing the veggies onto an already hot pan caramelizes better and allows for a crunchier texture. She looked at me and, in a very polite manner, let me know that she was just trying to help.
Let me pause the story here. This is where things kind of get fuzzy. Both of us later admit that we could feel the tension rising. What’s silly is that this whole squabble started over asparagus! I mean c’mon… asparagus! Of all the things for me to get upset about, I chose to get heated (cooking pun intended) about my wife trying to help cook some veggies. I was upset about asparagus. Even now, typing this sentence makes me laugh out loud. Yep. I was upset over asparagus.
Here’s the rest of the story. I got loud. Don’t remember what I said, I just know I was louder than I should have been. Lisa got quiet, which is never good. As the asparagus was finishing up, I realized that whatever I was upset about just wasn’t worth it. No amount or quality of asparagus is worth being upset with a spouse. But you know what, before we sat down to eat, we talked it out, worked it out and hugged it out.
Then you know what we did? We sat down at the table with the kids and ate those asparagus. Squabble squashed.
After six years of marriage I’ve learned a couple of things. They go a little something like this…
1) Squabbles will happen. Married couples are going to fuss over things that, at the time, seem really important. So important in fact, that you’re willing to have an argument about that thing. Then, after the words have been said, maybe some you shouldn’t have, you’ll realize something. That thing that was worth arguing about really wasn’t that important at all to begin with. Most things married couples fuss over are just 'asparagus'.
2) Being mad isn’t fun. It’s actually pretty hard work to be mad at someone you love, especially over something small. Moving on and being nice is way more fun. Laughing, joking and cutting up are much more enjoyable than glaring looks and snappy comebacks. Plus, things are just easier when you’re not upset. Walking through the front door the house after a long day at work and being greeted with a hug and kiss is definitely better than just a cold ‘hey’.
3) It’s okay to be the first to say sorry. There is no shame, no humiliation and absolutely no dishonor in saying sorry. But for some, it is so difficult to say. That’s probably because many assume saying sorry ultimately places the blame on themselves. However, I think otherwise. Saying sorry means that you’re apologizing for the way you acted, what you said and what you did. It doesn’t mean you were wrong or that the other person was right. Being sorry means that you’re not proud of how you acted or responded or even carried yourself in the midst of the squabble. In fact, apologizing to that person may actually allow them to see that they weren’t exactly in line either. Don’t wait for the other to apologize first. Beat them to the punch, but don't really punch. Just say sorry. And mean it.
I hope this impacted your day today. I hope the next time asparagus tries to ruin your day, week or month, you just let go of your pride and apologize. Or, just let your spouse help cook the asparagus and be appreciative.
Remember, there is no asparagus that is worth being upset with your spouse. That’s the truth.
Happy Fryeday!
