Hindsight In 2020 #6: Love, Question Mark?
Love is in the air. Can you feel it? Can you smell it? I’m actually not sure if you can...‘smell’... it. But you sure can see it! Don’t you just love the pressure to spend a load of money on flowers that will die and heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate calories? Not to dish on chocolate, that stuff is amazing. But let’s be real. Is Valentine’s Day about showing your love and appreciation for that someone special or about spending money that you wish you had on someone special? This blog is not about ‘Single Awareness Day’ or about the perfect Valentine’s Day gift. It’s about much, much more.
I have gone back and forth on what I’d like to write about this week. I’ve thought about what Valentine’s Day really means. I’ve reminisced on, or should I say, thanked God for past relationships and the fact that they are past relationships. My wife and I even talked about the worst dates in our dating history. Yep. Want to hear something funny? Both of our worst dates were with people who were related. Not only related, but brother and sister! What a coincidence, huh? The same girl who I experienced my worst date with was the sister of the guy who my wife, Lisa, had the pleasure of experiencing her worst date alongside! It’s a small world.
My kids are going to date people. I’ve got to face the facts. It’s my hope that my son and daughter would date someone who cares for them, wants the best for them, and who encourages them. I do not care if that person is popular. I do not care if that person dresses nice. I do not care if that person comes from a wealthy family. Well, that last one would be a plus. I’m kidding, a little. But seriously, I’m kidding.
I’ve learned a great deal about love from my marriage and having kids. For example, love isn’t always buying the nicest gift on Christmas. True love is knowing the correct way to put toilet paper on the roll. I’m kidding. However, I’ve also learned a lot about what love is not from my past relationships. High school relationships teach you a lot. Not everything in those relationships are terrible of course; however, some things you experience in those relationships teach you what you do not want in a relationship. Let me be clear. I’m no relationship expert. I’m quite far from that. I know one day my kids are going to be in relationships whether I like it or not. These 'suggestions' are for them. I learned the hard way. So kids… pay attention.
Looks ain’t everything. Just because someone is pretty or handsome doesn’t make them an adequate partner. Sure, you may be physically attracted to them; however, can that person carry on a conversation without talking about themself? Can they even put together a complete sentence? What matters most is who they are as a person, not what they look like. If they are pretty on the outside but dirty on the outside, save yourself the trouble and politely and kindly move on. Even the Bible says that while tombs are very pretty, inside there is only death. Don’t date a dead person, that’s just gross.
Don’t forget who you are or where you come from. When you start dating someone, you do the things they like to do so you can be with them more often. Nothing wrong with that. But please, don’t forget who you are or what you enjoy. Continue to do what you enjoy doing. Go fishing. Go hunting. Watch football. Be sure to continue to hang out with your friends. Spend time with your parents. Please, don’t spend every waking moment with that person. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on how you look at it, you will most likely not end up marrying that person. I won’t say that time spent with that person will be wasted, but I will say this: the time you spend away cannot be awarded back in return. You’ll wish that you could go back and change some things, but you won’t be able to. There will be things you miss, people you could have spent more time with, and places you could have gone. Trust me, I know. So, for the sake of your heart and mine, it’s okay to date, just continue to be my little buddy from time to time.
Don’t play chase. Chase is fun to play when you’re a little kid; however, playing chase when in a relationship is for the birds. If he or she manipulates your heart by being with other people, they ain’t worth it. Please, don’t let someone toy with your heart like it is on a string. Be with someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. If the love that you put in is not being reciprocated back to you, don’t follow blindly like a sheep to slaughter. Turn away from that immature piece of dog doo-doo and choose to be appreciated and cared for. There is someone out there that will care for you like you care for them. Don’t settle for a one way relationship. And please, don’t make someone chase you. If you care for them, let them know. If not, be honest and upfront about your intentions and feelings.
Real love will make you happy. Love is one of those feelings that brings you joy. It leaves butterflies in your tummy. Sometimes it will feel more like pterodactyls rather than butterflies. Being with that person will make you feel special and cared for. Someone who loves you will make you smile. You’ll never tire of being around them. On the other hand, some relationships will leave you feeling empty, used and even hurt. That’s not love kids. That’s something else. If you happen to feel miserable, upset or like you’re going to vomit around them, please consider the fact that you don’t really love this person. Remember this: If they make you happy, then I’ll be happy.
Are you going to marry them? My father asked me a question seven years ago that I have not forgotten to this day. I was in a relationship with someone, who in all honesty, was different than anyone I had ever dated before. We had only dated a few months. She and I had very little in common with one another. While visiting home one weekend, my dad and I were taking a drive. To where I don’t remember. But I do remember what he asked me. He looked over to me, total seriousness on his face and asked, “Do you plan on marrying this girl?” Shocked by the question, I paused. My dad had never once asked about my intentions with the girls I had dated before. I was taken aback. What’s crazy is that, I don’t remember how I answered that question. But it caused me to think. I came to the conclusion that I did not want to marry that girl. If I didn’t want to marry her, then why date her in the first place? That didn’t make any sense! So, I ask you, my children: are you going to marry them? If not, why are you with them?
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My kids can’t read right now. They're toddlers.That makes reading this a little difficult. Hopefully they won’t have any serious relationships until they're thirty. I’m only kidding, a little. I know that one day Charlie will fall head over heels for someone and I’ll have to be there for him when she breaks his heart. It’s going to hurt, but he will heal. I don’t even want to think about Ruby dating. Lord help me. When that boy knocks on our door, I may just tell him he has arrived at the wrong house and direct him to the next street over. That wouldn’t be wrong of me would it? I didn’t think so. There is a very high likelihood that I will teach whoever my children end up sharing a relationship. If that is the case, I will have spent three years with each of those individuals getting to know who they are and their priorities. I hope that does not hurt my opinion of those kids. I’m sure there will be some who get the ‘absolutely-no-way-are-you-dating-my-child-tag’; but, I have to let my kids live their life. Lord give me patience, understanding and the ability to rest when my children are out on a date.
If you’ve stuck with me thus far through this writing, thank you. If you are married or in a serious relationship on this Valentine’s Day, here’s a few things for you. First, get your significant other a little something. A card, some flowers and a little candy given with love will mean way more than a shiny necklace with no thought given. Secondly, remember this…
You are (or once was) physically attracted to your partner. So act like it. Make them feel special. Let them know that they still do it for you. Tell them they’re pretty or handsome, and mean it.
Do a little something they enjoy. Put your wants aside and do an activity with them that they enjoy and enjoy it with them. Don’t just pretend to have fun, try to enjoy it. Take her to Hobby Lobby. Go with him to Academy Sports. Just be together doing what each of you enjoy!
You won the race. You got the prize. Treat him or her like they are a gift. Because they are.
Make them happy. They make you happy (or I hope they do), so make them feel the same. Make them brownies, be sweet, open her car door, tell them how thankful you are for them. Men, I challenge you to do the dishes once without being asked. It will blow your wife's mind.
You married them for a reason. What was that reason? Remember that reason. Capture that feeling again and let it show. Remember the feeling on your wedding day. The joy you had that morning, that day....and that night. Haha! Fall in love all over again if you need to.
Love is in the air. Let’s act like it!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Happy Fryeday!
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